Fish.

I enjoy fishing. A lot. Ironic though, to anyone who knows me, is that I cannot eat fish. Fortunately my wife, and daughter both LOVE fish, and I'm pretty good at catching fish so in that sense it's a really favourable match. The only trouble is that while I enjoy going fishing, my wife does not enjoy my going out to enjoy fishing. The reason for this is that we live in the Western suburbs of Brisbane which is about a 45 minute drive from the nearest decent coastal jetty. Going there during the day is pointless with so many people around, nowhere to park, and screaming kids running up and down the jetty. So it's typically evening trips anywhere after 19:00 staying out there until as late as 03:00 in the morning some nights when the tide is right and the fish are biting. But there are typically quite a few like-minded people around the jetty at all hours, chasing those elusive fish. Most don't seem to have a clue what they're doing, but that is a completely different topic. The main thing is its not as dangerous as she fears it to be, but my reassurances are little comfort.

The reason I like fishing so much isn't really the man vs. fish aspect as much as it's an excuse to get out of the house, into the nice, cool fresh air, and think about stuff. In another sense of irony, the thing I end up thinking about most often is what it'd be like to be a fish. I imagine a number of kids, and probably some adults have watched movies like Finding Nemo and Shark's Tale and thought it'd be pretty neat to be a fish. Actually, I'd think it would have to be one of the closest things to hell on Earth. I'm not a religious person but I do have an interest in the likelihood of reincarnation and I'd think if you were ever to be meant to suffer for past sins, you'd probably come back as a fish, or something that gets eaten by spiders, which, ironic point #3, includes fish.

The life of a fish must be a constant state of stress. I mean they sleep with their eyes open, not that they can blink anyways, and their days and nights consist of running around hoping to run into something to eat while at the same time hoping not to run into somthing wanting and able to eat them. Often I feel that my life is in a constant state of stress since getting married, but then I go out and cast a line, think about the fish, and realize I ain't got nothing to worry about compared to them.

Still, another thing I get wondering about while I'm fishing is just how stupid fish must be, or perhaps they have to be born with a completely different perspective and understanding of the world. For instance, sometimes you cast down under the jetty and you get repeatedly pounced on by a group of Bream. It'd be interesting to actually be able to watch what's actually going on down there, but fishing alone on the jetty I find my imagination is free to stab a guess. One fish will grab the bait and pull it to find out "hey there's a pointy thing in this food and it's trying to pull me out away from safety!" so it pulls back and typically spits the pointy bit out. Meanwhile the group of Bream can surely see/smell/feel all of this going on. So you cast under again and in a couple moments another Bream has gone on to do pretty much the exact same thing. The strategy from my point of view is to set up the scenario to give me the best chance that one of the Bream makes a mistake and finds that pointy bit firmly lodged in its mouth, and pulling it hard up and out of the safe spot he'd set up to haunt that time of the evening. But maybe this is as much a game of wits for the Bream as it is for me. Maybe they know exactly what's going on with the free food and are daring each other in turn to try and not only get the food, but show their stuff by pulling the dangerous, pointy-filled food as far as they can without getting pulled out themselves. Surely there are bonus points to the Bream strong and quick enough to be able to cut the line attached to the pointy thing while it's firmy lodged in their mouth. That's got to be one kind of piercing that says "I am tha Shiz!". Sure the young ones or timid ones might go up and nibble at the food or try and fool the pointy bit into pulling before they've grabbed it all the way, but that isn't going to impress their friends. Fish wouldn't know what a chicken was or why it would be associated with a coward, but I'd guess they would have their own association... Maybe a Yabbie or something like that. I mean, some of these fish will have probably played the game a few times and got pulled out as wee little rats to the disappointment of an honest angler, had the pointy bit removed for them, and thrown back into the water. They're probably not banking that it might be a one-way trip, but that's part of the thrill when as they get bigger and hang out with bigger buddies, those buddies that do get pulled out often don't come back. Talk about a rush.

That really doesn't come down to intelligence or perception. Maybe fish are really just dumb and can't put two & two together, much like watching Magpie Larks repeatedly challenge their reflection in a window. Preceptionally fish may not even be self-aware, or perhaps they are more aware of the way of things than we give them credit, or are comfortable realizing or accepting ourselves. Why else would a living thing like a fish or insect want to bother existing unless they instictively knew that dismemberment, suffering, and death were merely a transitory point in a continuous cycle where the goal was to try again and be better, smarter, and stronger: given at least a hint of recollection of past mistakes. Wouldn't this possibly explain concepts behind evolution and instinct? Humans may be "unique" not because we're any more self aware than fish or bugs, but because we've become so pre-occupied with who and what we are in the here-and-know that we've lost perspective of the big picture. We fear death, invent beliefs to reassure ourselves of the unknown. Ironically (arg #4 for this post) the concept we've created for "lives" within popular video games may be closer to the truth than anything. Failure, regrets, reset to square one with a nudge of fore-knowledge (instinct, gut feelings.) to make new types of decisions all over again. Personally I believe genes can explain the colour of your eyes and hair, how tall you are, or how many toes you'll end up with; But I'm not convinced that they can determine how you will respond to stimulae, or explain what it means to be "self aware". There's got to be something more that defines *why* molecules continue to organize themselves into insects and fish and people with its own set of rules governing just how much information can be relayed from one generation to the next.

I guess this is part of the danger of going out late at night to go fishing alone and doing a considerable amount of thinking. I end up filling my head with whimsical "heavy" nonsense like this.