On winning.

It is an interesting time now for my 4y.o. daughter. She's starting to show signs of being quite competitive. Competition is a healthy thing, but it can easily become destructive and disruptive. When I went through grade school the education system had a pretty strong focus on competition. There were plenty of sporting events where students would win ribbons and such for out-performing their classmates. Grades were given out as percentages so students could boast they were 2% smarter than someone else. Now it seems that schools have swung widely the other direction due to political correctness or something like that where competition is something to be scorned. I cannot imagine playing a game of soccer where they went out of their way not to keep score. This was a deal-breaker when I was considering Montessori education for my daughter. While I like the overall approach of self-discovery learning, they have a strict anti-competitive theme. (No sports teams etc.) Competition is an integral part of life, and something I strongly feel that it is something children need to experience to prepare them for independent life.

Growing up in an overtly competitive environment didn't do me any benefit. I was overly competitive and became quite irritated, even somewhat violent if I didn't win. It doesn't do well for making, and keeping friends. I'm not sure when precisely it happened but one day it all started making sense. It was such a simple thing, but so profoundly powerful when dealing with competition. I like to win, a lot. Who doesn't? Winning is fun. Or was it?

That was the profound bit. Winning = fun.  But that is completely the wrong way to look at it. Fun isn't the result of winning. Winning is the result of having fun. It works in such a simple manner. When you play to win you get tunnel vision. You're focusing on the wrong thing and you completely miss opportunities that might have given you an advantage. This leads to mistakes or becoming predictable, and the further you fall behind the more it works against you. Your movements and muscles become tense, and you are completely distracted. However, when you play to have fun, your mind is open to new possibilities. You see more, and are more relaxed. There are opportunities to try things a bit different and often that is enough of an edge on your opponent to pull off something that they aren't expecting or capable of responding to.

It may not be enough to win, but it ensures you are open to learning something new from the experience instead of making excuses. Still, if you focus on trying to have fun then winning is merely icing on the cake. A loss is still a pretty good tasting cake when all things are considered. Being a sore loser means you become a target for ridicule, or people that can help you improve won't want to. Dealing with the bragging winners can be a challenge, but the thing to remember is that while they may act like they know it all, learn everything you can from them, then savour the day that you teach them how to lose. :)

This is something I constantly need to remind myself. Sometimes my vision starts tunneling in and I start to struggle and lose. That is the time that I have to stop for a moment, relax, and realise that I'm not having fun. More often than not that is enough for me to come back in freshly from a new angle. No excuses for the equipment or environment, just a renewed focus on doing what is fun, not what I think I need to win. Now I hope to impart this on the little one to hopefully help her cope with competitive situations.